Latest Episodes for this Channel
Sun September 09 2007
1. If you are choking on an ice cube, don't panic. Simply pour a cup of boiling water down your throat and presto, the blockage will be almost instant...
read more
1. If you are choking on an ice cube, don't panic. Simply pour a cup of boiling water down your throat and presto, the blockage will be almost instantly removed.2. Clumsy? Avoid cutting yourself
while slicing vegetables by getting someone else to hold them while you chop away.3. You can avoid arguments with the Mrs. about lifting the toilet seat just by using the sink.4. For high blood
pressure su...
read more
1. If you are choking on an ice cube, don't panic. Simply pour a cup of boiling water down your throat and presto, the blockage will be almost instantly removed.2. Clumsy? Avoid cutting yourself
while slicing vegetables by getting someone else to hold them while you chop away.3. You can avoid arguments with the Mrs. about lifting the toilet seat just by using the sink.4. For high blood
pressure sufferers: simply cut yourself and bleed for a few minutes, thus reducing the pressure in your veins. Remember to use an egg timer.5. A mouse trap placed on top of your alarm clock will
prevent you from rolling over and going back to sleep after you hit the snooze button.6. If you have a bad cough, take a large dose of laxatives. Then you will be afraid to cough.7. Have a bad
toothache? Smash your thumb with a hammer and you will forget all about the toothache.8. Sometimes, we just need to remember what the rules of life really are:In life, you only need two tools - WD-40
and Duct Tape.If it doesn't move but should, use the WD-40.If it should not move and does, use the duct tape.9. Remember: Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.10. Never pass up an
opportunity to go to the bathroom.Thought for the Day:SOME PEOPLE ARE LIKE SLINKIES..... THEY ARE NOT REALLY GOOD FOR ANYTHING ...BUT THEY STILL BRING A SMILE TO YOU'RE FACE WHEN YOU PUSH THEM DOWN A
FLIGHT OF STAIRS.
read less
Fri August 17 2007
1. Ever wonder about those people who spend $2.00 apiece on those little bottles of Evian water? Try spelling Evian backwards: NAIVE2. Isn't making a ...
read more
1. Ever wonder about those people who spend $2.00 apiece on those little bottles of Evian water? Try spelling Evian backwards: NAIVE2. Isn't making a smoking section in a restaurant like making a
peeing section in a swimming pool? (My sentiments exactly)3. If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea...does that mean that one enjoys it?4. There are three religious truths:a. Jews do not recognize
Jesu...
read more
1. Ever wonder about those people who spend $2.00 apiece on those little bottles of Evian water? Try spelling Evian backwards: NAIVE2. Isn't making a smoking section in a restaurant like making a
peeing section in a swimming pool? (My sentiments exactly)3. If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea...does that mean that one enjoys it?4. There are three religious truths:a. Jews do not recognize
Jesus as the Messiah.b. Protestants do not recognize the Pope as the leader of the Christian faith.c. Baptists do not recognize each other in the liquor store or at Hooters.5. If people from Poland
are called Poles, then why aren't people from Holland called Holes?6. Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?7. If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled?8. Why do croutons come
in airtight packages? Aren't they just stale bread to begin with?9. Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist, but a person who drives a racecar is not called a racist?10. Why isn't the
number 11 pronounced onety-one?11. If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, then doesn't it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models deposed,
tree surgeons debarked, and dry cleaners depressed?12. If Fed Ex and UPS were to merge, would they call it Fed UP?13. Do Lipton Tea employees take coffee breaks?14. What hair color do they put on the
driver's licenses of bald men?15. I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older; then it dawned on me...they're cramming for their final exam.16. I thought
about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons and forks, so I wondered what do Chinese mothers use. Toothpicks?17. Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office? What are
we supposed to do, write to them? Why don't they just put their pictures on the postage stamps so the mailmen can look for them while they deliver the mail?18. If it's true that we are here to help
others, then what exactly are the others here for?19. You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.20. Ever wonder what the speed of lightning would be if it didn't zigzag?21. If a cow
laughed, would milk come out of her nose?22. Whatever happened to Preparations A through G?24. As income tax time approaches, did you ever notice: When you put the two words "The" and "IRS" together,
it spells "THEIRS"?"Never argue with an idiot; they'll drag you down to their level and beat you with experience." Anonymous
read less
Sun August 12 2007
Q: Where can women over the age of 50 find young, sexy men, who are interested in them?A: Try a bookstore, under Fiction.Q: What can a man do while hi...
read more
Q: Where can women over the age of 50 find young, sexy men, who are interested in them?A: Try a bookstore, under Fiction.Q: What can a man do while his wife is going through menopause?A: Keep busy.
If you're handy with tools, you can finish the basement. When you are done you will have a place to live.Q: How can you increase the heart rate of your 50+-year-old husband?A: Tell him you're
pregnant.Q...
read more
Q: Where can women over the age of 50 find young, sexy men, who are interested in them?A: Try a bookstore, under Fiction.Q: What can a man do while his wife is going through menopause?A: Keep busy.
If you're handy with tools, you can finish the basement. When you are done you will have a place to live.Q: How can you increase the heart rate of your 50+-year-old husband?A: Tell him you're
pregnant.Q: How can you avoid spotting a wrinkle every time you walk by a mirror?A: The next time you're in front of a mirror, take off your glasses.Q: Why should 50+-year-old people use valet
parking?A: Valets don't forget where they park your car.Q: Is it common for 50+-year-olds to have problems with short-term memory storage?A: Storing memory is not the problem. Retrieving it is a
problem.Q: As people age, do they sleep more soundly?A: Yes, but usually in the afternoon.Q: Where do 50+-year-olds look for fashionable glasses?A: Their foreheads.Q: What is the most common remark
made by 50+-year-olds when they enter antique stores?A: "I remember these."Welcome to the AARP crowd!
read less
Fri May 11 2007
Have a history teacher explain this----- if they can.Abraham Lincoln was elected to Congress in 1846.John F. Kennedy was elected to Congress in 1946.A...
read more
Have a history teacher explain this----- if they can.Abraham Lincoln was elected to Congress in 1846.John F. Kennedy was elected to Congress in 1946.Abraham Lincoln was elected President in 1860.John
F. Kennedy was elected President in 1960.Both were particularly concerned with civil rights.Both wives lost their children while living in the White House.Both Presidents were shot on a Friday.Both
Pr...
read more
Have a history teacher explain this----- if they can.Abraham Lincoln was elected to Congress in 1846.John F. Kennedy was elected to Congress in 1946.Abraham Lincoln was elected President in 1860.John
F. Kennedy was elected President in 1960.Both were particularly concerned with civil rights.Both wives lost their children while living in the White House.Both Presidents were shot on a Friday.Both
Presidents were shot in the headNow it gets really weird.Lincoln 's secretary was named Kennedy.Kennedy's Secretary was named Lincoln.Both were assassinated by Southerners.Both were succeeded by
Southerners named Johnson.Andrew Johnson, who succeeded Lincoln, was born in 1808.Lyndon Johnson, who succeeded Kennedy, was born in 1908.John Wilkes Booth, who assassinated Lincoln, was born in
1839.Lee Harvey Oswald, who assassinated Kennedy, was born in 1939.Both assassins were known by their three names.Both names are composed of fifteen letters.Now hang on to your seat.Lincoln was shot
at the theater named 'Ford.'Kennedy was shot in a car called ' Lincoln' made by 'Ford.'Lincoln was shot in a theater and his assassin ran and hid in a warehouse.Kennedy was shot from a warehouse and
his assassin ran and hid in a theater.Booth and Oswald were assassinated before their trials.And here's the kicker...A week before Lincoln was shot, he was in Monroe, MarylandA week before Kennedy
was shot, he was with Marilyn Monroe.
read less
Mon February 05 2007
Dear Tech Support:Last year I upgraded from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0. I soon noticed that the new program began unexpected child processing that too...
read more
Dear Tech Support:Last year I upgraded from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0. I soon noticed that the new program began unexpected child processing that took up a lot of space and valuable resources. In
addition, Wife 1.0 installed itself into all other programs and now monitors all other system activity. Applications such as Poker Night 10.3, Football 5.0, Hunting and Fishing 7.5, and Racing 3.6 no
lon...
read more
Dear Tech Support:Last year I upgraded from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0. I soon noticed that the new program began unexpected child processing that took up a lot of space and valuable resources. In
addition, Wife 1.0 installed itself into all other programs and now monitors all other system activity. Applications such as Poker Night 10.3, Football 5.0, Hunting and Fishing 7.5, and Racing 3.6 no
longer run, crashing the system whenever selected.I can't seem to keep Wife 1.0 in the background while attempting to run my favorite applications. I'm thinking about going back to Girlfriend 7.0,
but the uninstall doesn't work on Wife 1.0. Please help!Thanks,A Troubled User.______________________________________REPLY:Dear Troubled User:This is a very common problem that men complain
about.Many people upgrade from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0, thinking that it is just a Utilities and Entertainment program. Wife 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM and is designed by its Creator to run
EVERYTHING!!! It is also impossible to delete Wife 1.0 and to return to Girlfriend 7.0. It is impossible to uninstall, or purge the program files from the system once installed.You cannot go back to
Girlfriend 7.0 because Wife 1.0 is designed to not allow this. Look in your Wife 1.0 manual under Warnings-Alimony-Child Support.I recommend that you keep Wife 1.0 and work on improving the
situation. I suggest installing the background application "Yes Dear" to alleviate software augmentation.The best course of action is to enter the command C:\APOLOGIZE because ultimately you will
have to give the APOLOGIZE command before the system will return to normal anyway.Wife 1.0 is a great program, but it tends to be very high maintenance. Wife 1.0 comes with several support programs,
such as Clean and Sweep 3.0, Cook It 1.5 and Do Bills 4.2. However, be very careful how you use these programs. Improper use will cause the system to launch the program Nag Nag 9.5. Once this
happens, the only way to improve the performance of Wife 1.0 is to purchase additional software. I recommend Flowers 2.1 and Diamonds 5.0 !WARNING!!! DO NOT, under any circumstances, install
Secretary With Short Skirt 3.3. This application is not supported by Wife 1.0 and will cause irreversible damage to the operating system.Best of luck,Tech Support
read less